Today, I’ll explain the difference between helping vs enabling and give examples. I’ll also discuss some of the consequences of enabling someone and provide tips on how to stop this behavior. Enabling may be part of a larger codependency issue taking place in the relationship. This may look like a loved one over-functioning to compensate. While this may seem supportive from afar, it actually creates and increases dependency.
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- Lying, making excuses, or covering up your loved one’s addiction may feel like the right thing to do, but doing so prevents them from facing the reality of their situation.
- I’ve cared for several elders over the years and encountered my share of challenges.
- It involves protecting or safeguarding a person from the full consequences of their actions, which ultimately perpetuates the problem rather than facilitating positive change.
On the contrary, helping behavior can support the journey towards healing and recovery. It promotes mental stability and well-being, as opposed to enabling, which can lead to sleep and appetite problems, financial strain, and overall exhaustion. Accepting the nature of addiction will help you to set healthy boundaries. If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you may be an enabler to your loved one’s behavior. Taking steps to break out of this cycle and begin properly helping them will allow them to heal in the long run. Enabling is happening when your actions allow the addicted person to continue to use their preferred substance.
Take some time to do things you want to do, get support from friends and family, or seek a therapist. Trying to help someone stuck in destructive patterns can be exhausting, so find ways to take care of your own well-being. Setting clear boundaries has to be your first step when addressing enabling behavior.
Enabling and Helping: Understanding the Difference
- Research suggests that treatment can be effective regardless of whether the individual is compelled by external forces or is self-motivated to undergo treatment.
- The more you rescue them from life’s problems, the weaker they grow in resilience.
- The truth is, it’s rarely an easy call, and the answer may differ on any given day.
- When it comes to helping a loved one who is going through a difficult time, it’s important to be aware of the distinction between enabling and empowering.
- Other family caregivers are likely to find themselves in situations like mine and even some more conflicting circumstances.
He starts thinking he’s not capable of solving his own problems. There’s a big difference between supporting someone and enabling them. Become familiar with the different treatment options in your area.
These resources help break the cycle of enablement and encourage healthier patterns of interaction. By understanding enabling behavior in addiction and its negative impact on recovery, individuals and their loved ones can work towards healthier approaches that promote long-term recovery and well-being. Seeking professional help and establishing effective boundaries can be crucial steps in supporting individuals with substance use disorders on their path to recovery.
How can I support without enabling?
You don’t have to accept bad behavior and while you can’t control the behavior of your loved one, you do have choices when it comes to what you find unacceptable. If you recognize enabling in your own behaviors, the next step is to decide how to modify the ways you support your loved one. Mental health experts recommend you begin by having a clear conversation about your concerns around their substance use and go over the boundaries you are setting from that point forward. Traditionally, families have been advised to wait for the individual to hit “rock bottom” before seeking treatment for substance use disorders. Waiting for addiction to worsen before seeking help can be detrimental, analogous to waiting until stage 4 to treat cancer. Early treatment initiation is key to improving outcomes and preventing further deterioration of the disease.
Comprehending the instinctual responses and responsibilities that precipitate enabling behaviors is key to transitioning from enabling to helping. These actions contribute to enabling drug addiction by preventing the addicted individual from facing routine life duties and experiencing the negative consequences. By engaging with others with similar struggles, you’ll learn more about supporting your loved one (without enabling their addiction). You’ll also build a supportive network by connecting with others, strengthening your emotional health. You keep “giving it one more chance” thinking your loved one’s behavior will change. If you can’t find healthy ways to care for yourself, there’s no way you’ll make someone else’s life better.
Empowering vs Enabling
The idea that we should wait for the disease to get worse before seeking treatment is dangerous. They may verbally attack or criticize you if you try to talk to them about it. Forgive yourself if you unintentionally encouraged harmful behaviors in the past and contributed to the difficulties the person faced.
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Most of the time, caregivers don’t purposefully enable; they just don’t have (or believe they have) the time, support, or courage to push their loved one toward change. One of the most difficult things a caregiver in this kind of situation must accept is that a competent elder is entitled to make their own decisions—even bad ones. Only you can make the decision whether to cooperate with, ignore or flat out refuse to be a part of your loved one’s addiction. The sad reality is that there will be consequences no matter what you choose to do.
When you show support, you have establish healthy boundaries and be honest ― ideally without being judgmental. It’s about promoting the other person’s growth and development by allowing them to learn from their own mistakes and failures. Professional guidance is paramount in managing enabling behaviors, in conjunction with recognizing problematic behavior and undertaking tangible steps to rectify it. The defining distinction between enabling and helping is found in their respective outcomes. Enabling often results in perpetuating the status quo, whereas helping promotes long-term improvement and empowerment.
It’s difficult for someone to start helping themselves if they’re being kept unaware of the consequences of their actions. When it comes to walking the line between helping and enabling, easy solutions rarely present themselves. Nearly every caregiver will regularly face the dilemma of determining whether they are helping or hurting their vulnerable loved ones by providing a particular service or access to some substance. Enablers frequently make excuses for the bad behavior of a loved one. Helpers insist that people take responsibility for their actions, however ugly or embarrassing that helping versus enabling may get. I hope I’ve successfully cleared up any confusion between helping and enabling another person.
Talk to them about their negative habits when they’re sober and in a good state of mind instead of sweeping the issues under the rug. Be supportive while being clear about your boundaries and expectations. If you’re struggling to empower a loved one, here are five expert strategies to help end enabling behavior.
Helping versus enabling is just one more moving target that makes caregivers second-guess themselves, so pick your battles. Other family caregivers are likely to find themselves in situations like mine and even some more conflicting circumstances. I’ve cared for several elders over the years and encountered my share of challenges.